we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
