tell your sister to shave her snatch
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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