I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
