i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Is it because I queefed?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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