just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
