At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
