hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
