i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
