i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
