Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
