I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
