I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
