just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
