dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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