Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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