we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
