I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
