I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
