Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
