I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
