I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
