UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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