Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
