Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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