The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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