Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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