I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
