Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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