If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
