I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
