so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
