just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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