I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
