All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
