am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
