my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
