And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
