What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
