I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
