...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
