Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
