i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
