It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
