she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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