True but thats because hes a fetus.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So vagazzling was a success
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
