Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
