he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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