The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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