when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
