I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
