she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
