census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
