I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
