Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
