i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
