I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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