I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
