Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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